You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
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