i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
