break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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