new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
