you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Randomize
