Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Randomize
