I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
