hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
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