Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
