Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
he high fived his dick after we had sex
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