guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
its liver damage thursday
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
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