Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Randomize
