I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
Randomize
