I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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