Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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