just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
