We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
Randomize
