im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
