I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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