my text book just quoted the cookie monster
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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