dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Randomize