I like to think it a success when the cops are called
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
