If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Randomize
