One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
