Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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