maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
Randomize
