well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
