Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
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