he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
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