I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
