And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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