So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Randomize
