You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
Randomize
