The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
Those nachos came to me in a dream
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
Randomize
