Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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