Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
