Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
