i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Randomize
