On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
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