the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
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Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
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Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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