What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
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