Im at strip club and am horny
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
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