Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
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