yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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