True but thats because hes a fetus.
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
