Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
It was confusing and full of hummus
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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