all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
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