Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
