youre lurking in front of me
you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Randomize
