Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
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