I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
Randomize
