If i come over, it means nothing
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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