True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
