I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
