There is no way he is gay with that hair.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
