i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
Do vagina's smell?
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
