I'm going to jail i love you
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Randomize
