There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
Randomize
