i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
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