we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
