Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Randomize
