it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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