you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
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