Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
Randomize
