hi brent please bring bad word music cd must most bad word please brent bring cd music bad word please brent bring cd music bad word
dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
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