ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
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