I'm jealous of your bromance
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Randomize
