I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
I look better un-naked...
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
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