Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Randomize
