I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
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