There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Randomize
