swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
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