I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
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