You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
