Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Randomize
