why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
